Victim Mentality and Personal Responsibility

By , November 20, 2012 9:40 AM

Is this person being a victim and not taking personal responsibility? Or does he/she rightfully deserve better? You be the judge!

So I’m leaving the parking structure and I see this car with a particularly big note on the window. You can see from the photo that the bumper is damaged and from reading the sign the person put on their window that their car was hit in the parking structure by another car and the perpetrator drove off.

So what do you think? Does the owner of the car rightfully deserve compensation? Or is he/she just being a victim? What do you think? I’ll tell you what I think…
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What Makes You Want to Throw Up?

By , November 13, 2012 2:32 AM

And I’m not talking about going on a roller coaster, spinning around in circles, getting drunk, or eating bad sushi.

For me, reaching out for help today on a project I’m working on made me want to throw up, literally. Why is that? For some reason, somewhere along in life I’ve adopted the old adage that “men don’t ask for directions.” So what’s going on in my head that would cause me to think that? Look through my window and this is what you’ll see:

I can’t ask for help because I don’t want to inconvenience people. What if they say no? Plus it’ll make me feel incompetent and lower my self-worth to think that I can’t do it myself. I have too much pride.

Of course all this is jibberish if I step back and look at it. I shouldn’t be bashful to ask for help. Let’s self therapy myself:

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Losing Weight and Getting Ripped is Easy

By , November 8, 2012 1:06 AM

I can’t remember where I heard this, but someone said to me at some point in life – “The difference between a hard question and easy question is knowing the answer.”

Let’s apply that to life and look at this set of beliefs/perspectives on it:
#1 – Life is easy.
#2 – Life is hard.

If I had to adopt one of those two views and live by it for the rest of my life, I’d choose the first one as the more empowering position to take. What if I saw life as “hard”? If I were to believe that, I think it would be a very discouraging and draining way to go about things. If life is hard, then why bother trying if I put all this effort and I’ll likely fail? Yes I’m sure some people love challenges, but I’m using this as an extreme example. What if you had to walk 10 miles just to get a glass of drinking water? (It’s probably that difficult in some parts of the world.) And you had to do that everyday because life was on hard mode – that would suck. On the other hand, if life was easy, going through it would be more enjoyable and effortless and less stressful. Yes you would lose out on the person you become by overcoming challenges, but I’m just using these two examples as extreme scenarios of just having to pick one or the other perspectives on life for illustration purposes. (Don’t be a smart ass!)

Which brings me to the title of this post – Losing Weight and Getting Ripped is Easy. Why is this “easy” for me?
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How to Never Eat Alone – Day 3-4 – Dilemmas and Decisions

By , November 6, 2012 6:27 AM

One of the things I think about everyday as I’m doing this 30-day experiment is what meaningful distinction can I take out of today’s interaction? What can I learn about my experience today that will improve my life and other people’s lives (the people I talk to during lunch and the people reading this)?

As part of the process to answering those questions, I observe patterns. On Day 3 and Day 4, I’ve noticed a common theme between the two strangers I had met over lunch.
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Are You a Failure?

By , November 1, 2012 9:40 AM

Do you ever look in the mirror and see yourself as a failure? I’ll be one of the first people to admit that it happens to me. Sometimes on a daily basis. Sometimes on an hourly basis.

The ironic thing is that for the people who personally know me, some think that my life is all carefree rainbows and puppies and there isn’t a worry in my mind. And I do consider myself a positive person and I think that’s true about 80% of the time. But what most people don’t see is what happens behind the scenes during that other 20%.

During those darker moments, I have thoughts running through my head about fears of failure, fears of success, self-sabotage, what if this happens, what if that happens, am I good enough, etc. Why is that? How did those negative thoughts get into my head? Well, I thought about it and have narrowed it down to these potential reasons, limiting beliefs, or however you want to label them, along with some feedback on how I might begin to address them:
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Conversation I Had With Death

By , October 29, 2012 11:36 PM

Me: Hey, how’s it going?
Death: It’s going…
Me: Cool.
Death: You know why we’re here right?
Me: Hmmm, what’s on your mind?
Death: Well, we’ve been having these conversations for a while.
Me: Right…
Death: Yes, well I want you to know that one day it will be the last one.
Me: What do you mean?
Death: What I mean is that one day there will be a final conversation. And we’re not going to have any more after that. Because you know, one day you will die.
Me: When’s that going to happen?
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How to Never Eat Alone – Day 2 – Overcoming Fear and Taking Action

By , October 24, 2012 9:22 AM

So it’s only Day 2 of my experiment, but today I made some very exciting findings to report.

Script Revision
Even though I was already shooting 100% on the approach (on Day 1, I asked 1 person and she accepted), I came up with a couple of modifications to my offer that I thought would increase my chances even more of getting a yes. To recap, first the original:

Version 1
Excuse me, sorry to bother you while you’re in the middle of eating, but I have a rule this month that I can’t allow myself to eat lunch alone. You seem like someone’s who’s pretty interesting and friendly. Is it OK if I join you?

Newer Version 2
Excuse me, sorry to bother you while you’re in the middle of eating, but I was hoping you could help me with a small favor [smile]. I made a rule for myself this month. I promised myself that I will only eat food if I’m with someone new who I met for the first time. In other words, I’m not allowed to eat alone. And you seem like you’re pretty interesting and friendly [smile], so I was wondering if it’s ok if I join you for a quick bite?

Here are some explanations of the revisions:

  • Asking for a “favor” – For the most part, humans like helping others. I also added this based on a technique Benjamin Franklin used to win over political opponents based on a psychological principle called cognitive dissonance. Basically if the person helped me out with the small favor, then she will rationalize to herself later after she fulfilled the favor that she must like me, otherwise why would she do the favor in the first place.
  • Using the word “promise” – First of all, it’s funny how we even need the word “promise” in the English language. It presupposes that our word is not good enough in the first place and is meant to be broken; thus, we had to invent the word “promise” to make the distinction. Anyways, I digress. Most people when they say they “promise”, it means they’ll make an extra effort to keep it and so it must happen. So if I “promised” myself, it’s more pressure for the recipient to comply, otherwise they’ll essentially be part of breaking a promise or feeling like they did (even though it’s my promise and not theirs). Guilty by association.
  • I replaced the word “lunch” with “food” – It sounds a lot more drastic (like I won’t eat anything ever). When it sounds more horrible, they should be more inclined to help.
  • Adding “quick bite” – Basically it says I’m only going to be here for a short period of time and will be leaving soon (if necessary). Good old fashion time constraint.

    Better Time Management
    I didn’t get out of the house until around 4:30 PM, which meant way too many hours passed since breakfast (I should eat more frequently than that) and my options (the number of people I can talk to) are fewer than if I did this during the peak lunch hours.

    Be Like a Stage Hypnotist
    So what does that mean? Continue reading 'How to Never Eat Alone – Day 2 – Overcoming Fear and Taking Action'»

  • How to Never Eat Alone – Day 1

    By , October 23, 2012 8:50 AM

    So yesterday I posted about the fifth dimension, and today I started my 30-day experiment applying it to a concept of never eating alone.

    There’s a book by that title, but I’ve never read a page in it. Instead, I got the idea from Adam Lyons. Back when he was living in London, he forced himself to be more social by allowing himself to eat food only when he was with someone new. So when I heard that, I thought to myself “Why not give that a test and see what happens after 30 days?” When was the last time you had a meal with someone new who you just met, let alone everyday for a month straight?
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    Exploring the Fifth Dimension

    By , October 22, 2012 8:56 AM

    Imaginery Dimension by ~KHcode

    So I haven’t posted on this blog for a while and today I realized that I’ve been comfortable in life for too long these last couple of years. When complacency in life sets in, the comfort zone feels pretty good to stay in. However, that’s not how I want to live my life anymore.

    Through a series of recent events (that maybe I’ll talk more about when the time is right), I’ve been forced to realize that I need to get back onto the horse and live outside my comfort zone again. And thus today, I am renewing my commitment to live outside that edge where things start being uncomfortable. And I’m going to do that by being accountable to you.
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    I Am A Photographer

    By , March 4, 2010 4:25 PM

    The Bureau of Labor Statistics says that the average worker changes employers about every 4 years. Although it’s unclear whether they also change careers/industries, let’s just say that I’m long overdue. For me, this would be Career #2.

    Today I decided that my new career is being a photographer. So what type of photography will I be doing? The most gratifying type of photography to me is of people. Men, women, children – doesn’t matter. I believe there’s something beautiful about capturing a moment in time in someone’s life. Taking a snapshot where they could look back years from now and remember. After all, at the end of the day all we have left are our memories – something that nobody could ever take away from us.

    So how did I come up with that idea? Continue reading 'I Am A Photographer'»

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