Today I decided that my new career is being a photographer. So what type of photography will I be doing? The most gratifying type of photography to me is of people. Men, women, children – doesn’t matter. I believe there’s something beautiful about capturing a moment in time in someone’s life. Taking a snapshot where they could look back years from now and remember. After all, at the end of the day all we have left are our memories – something that nobody could ever take away from us.

So how did I come up with that idea? I’ve always loved photography and wanted to get into it as a hobby. But about a month ago, I was killing time on Facebook when my friend Ximena posted a link on her profile of her boudoir photoshoot. When I looked at that, my first reaction was, “Oh shit! Who the hell is that?!?” I’ve always seen Ximena in the work environment and she never came to the office in lingerie, so I was amazed at the pictures! I always knew Ximena was a stunning woman, but the way Christa Meola, the photographer, brought this amazing beauty out of her knocked my socks off.

That was about a month ago. And today, I just got off the phone with Christa and you could say that she was the straw that broke the camel’s back – in a good way. Her enthusiasm and love for photography inspired me to stop sitting on my ass and make a decision about what I want to do with my life. So I decided. That may sound insignificant, but don’t underestimate the tremendous power in simply making a decision. Being a self-improvement junkie, here’s some quotes for ya:

“Every day, in every moment, you get to exercise choices that will determine whether or not you will become a great person, living a great life. Greatness is not something predetermined, predestined or carved into your fate by forces beyond your control. Greatness is always in the moment of the decision.” – Jeff Olson

“Every great leap forward in your life comes after you have made a clear decision of some kind.” – Brian Tracy

“It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” — Anthony Robbins

I’ve been an IT guy for pretty much all my life. But today at the age of 29, I decided to make photography my new profession. So what does that mean? It means that photography is going to consume the majority of my time “working” and will be my primary source of income. Sure I can wait until I’m completely out of debt to start a new business. Sure I can make it a hobby first and see if I’m any good at it. But then again, where’s the fun in that? What better time than now to start something new since the timing will never be perfect anyways. Yeah it’s a little scary to do something completely new and I’m sure there are going to be many bumps in the road, but enthusiasm and determination will go a long way.

Is it possible that in 6 months I’ll want to be something totally different? – Absolutely. Is it possible that photography might not be the final destination and is just a stepping stone to something bigger and better? – Highly possible. The point is, I’ll never find out unless I take this first step.

So what is the first step? Well…I gotta get a camera. But before I do that, let’s get some demand and find some prospects and clients. But even before that, I leave you with this question:

What would YOU do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

So what started as going to some random air sex show in LA, has turned into a life-changing adventure for me. I think I threw any potential of a white collar career down the drain. But that’s OK. Who wants one anyways?!? It was an amazing experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I definitely have to thank a few people for helping me win. My brainstorm buddies Lloyd Ahlquist and Colin Sweeney came up with some crazy stuff. I was laughing my ass off. And my biggest thanks goes to Jeff Sloniker, who helped me polish some raw routines and drilled me over and over again until it came out just right.

And above all, the fans in Austin (my new home) that cheered me on that night. Among the many people in the crowd are a couple of my best friends – Adam Lyons and his wife Amanda. Who would have thought it all began that evening.

So now that the mushy stuff is over, let’s get to the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting to see – footage from the finals. Unfortunately, the cameraman might have lost the tapes because they’re still looking for them. But that’s OK. You can get the gist of what happened when I did an “interview” with Playboy Party Girl Suzy McCoppin:

After our air sex shoot, Suzy’s girlfriends came over and shot her “Stuffed Animal Fight” video and I made a cameo. I love that chick. That girl is hilarious.

It wasn’t until earlier this year that I finally decided to do something about it.  I first noticed at my local 24 Hour Fitness gym that they offered free hip hop dance classes as part of my membership.  It wasn’t freestyle stuff for the club, but it was a start learning rhythm and choreography.  So I began going to the classes and fell in love with the style and personality of my instructor, Tiffaney Boyd.

Soon after, I began taking private lessons from her.  After my first 1-hour lesson, she thought I needed about 19 more lessons in order to be dope (I only signed up for 10).  At least she’s honest.  Anyways, this is some footage from some of our lessons together.  She’s teaching the Pac-Man (one of my favorite moves), basic body rocking, and puppeting.  Isn’t she adorable?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-kJGJgExzc

So for the next 10 weeks, I took my freestyle hip hop lessons.  It was some of the most frustrating times.  My brain understood how to perform different moves, but it was another thing to get my body to do it.  It felt like one big piece of flesh.  But slowly over time through hours of practice in front of a mirror, I learned to isolate different body parts and could begin to actually look decent dancing!  In addition to dancing at the gym, I would also practice doing the ‘real thing.’  I remember weekends where I would go to the dance club by myself just to dance from 10 PM when the doors opened to 2 AM when the doors closed, just so that I could learn to become comfortable on the dance floor.

After a couple of months of this, I naturally started to feel good and enjoy dancing.  I’m comfortable enough that I’m OK with being the first and only one on the dance floor.  I learned to have some rhythm and move my body to music.  But most importantly, I learned to stop worrying so much about what other people might negatively think of me if I couldn’t dance well.  And that feeling of liberation was well worth all the hard work.

Why in the world are you doing this?
My primary reason for doing this is to smash social anxiety by going into a heavily populated public area as a man wearing a dress. By doing this, my outcome was to be liberated from social anxiety and the fear of what negative things other people may think of me. By being free from the fear of criticism, I will be more empowered in many areas of my life. There have been too many times in the past where I didn’t do something or was afraid to do it (even though it was in my personal best interest) because of what naysayers would think. And continuing to live that way is no longer acceptable in my world.

Some other reasons:

• It’s summer and it’ll be July 4th on Saturday and I don’t think there will be any weekend for the remainder of the year that will have this much foot traffic.  It’ll be maximum exposure and the same opportunity won’t be coming around for a while.
• I’ll learn to walk into the midst of tension and manage it.
• This type of feat will help me prepare for the World Air Sex Championships in Vegas.
• Perhaps it will inspire someone else out there in the world to do something that goes outside their comfort zone.
• It’s an ego/confidence boost to be able to say that I had the balls to do something like this. It also becomes a powerful frame of reference for me.  One day in the future I’m going to encounter a challenge that I’ll have self-doubt about overcoming.  I’m then going to tell myself that if I can walk down Venice Boardwalk in a dress, then I can overcome this petty challenge.  Sometimes it might not work, but other times it will.

However, when I discussed this with my coaches at Inner Confidence, they actually DISCOURAGED me from doing it.  They said it would be good for someone who is much more shy and reserved.  But if I were to do it, it would only be a way to distract myself from something they think I’m even more afraid of: connecting with women.  I sincerely respect the advice they give me and I can agree with that on some level, but I still think the benefits and opportunity is worth pursuing and am doing it anyways.

The caveats.

But in order to get the maximum value out of this, it was extremely important that I did this with two caveats:

1. Playing it off would be one thing, but accepting it is another. It would be much easier if I walked down the Boardwalk in the dress and purposely acted like a buffoon as if it was a bet or that I’m just horsing around. The more challenging (and critical) method is to do it as if it was completely normal. It’s easy (or easier) to pretend that I’m just a goofball tranny/crossdresser, making jokes, acting like a clown, or laughing at the whole thing. Those are all methods of releasing the tension and justifying the ridiculous act of a man wearing a dress. Instead, my objective was to be as comfortable as possible with wearing a dress and doing my best to pretend that this was normal for me. By being calm and sitting in the tension of having people think that I’m a moron is much more effective than trying to “play it off” and giving people an excuse to justify why I have a dress on.
2. Ignoring people is one thing, but it’s another to connect with them. It would be easier to completely ignore and disconnect from people. This would be like walking down the Boardwalk and pretending no one was there. The more challenging thing to do would be to notice, acknowledge, be present, and connect with people. Make eye contact with people who stare. Feel the disgust and humility on their faces. See it, hear it, and feel it – but let it all channel through me and remain solid.

With that said, my friend JoRock and I walked down the Venice Boardwalk on Saturday July 4th as men wearing dresses.  Pure and Carte Blanche joined us in support and got some footage as well.

The experience.

A couple of things were as I expected. People did some double takes to look twice and made sure they saw what they saw. Even a couple of police officers were a little shocked. Drivers in cars stuck in traffic honked and screamed at us as we walked by. Some even took a picture.

Most people though were afraid to make eye contact. As soon as they noticed that we were dressed like women, their eyes would shoot away and try to ignore us.  I tried to make eye contact with most people, but they struggled to look in my eyes.

I could tell that many people had these guilty smiles on their face that they were trying to contain.  I took the whole dress thing very seriously and didn’t even crack a smile, so they definitely interpreted it as something normal and not a joke.  Having that frame of mind made most people afraid to laugh in front of my face, but many had no problem laughing and commenting behind my back after I walked by and looked back.  It unfortunately goes to show how a lot of people in life do these things: gossip behind your back because they don’t have the nerve to do it in your face.  It’s something I’ve been guilty of before myself, so it was a good reminder to be a better human being by not being one of those people that do that.

The two most uncomfortable moments from the whole experience:

1. Basketball court walk of shame. Walking through the crowd wasn’t too bad, so Carte Blanche challenged me to walk across the basketball court where all the spectators and masculine basketball players were sitting.  The idea made my skin crawl to purposely try to attract attention and have all those people look at me.  So of course, I had to do it.  That was pretty embarrassing because I knew all eyes were on me and I was trying to get attention.  It was pretty shameful as I could barely make any eye contact while doing that.
2. The rowdy teenage boys. Towards the end, I must have already been walking around for over an hour and was feeling quite comfortable doing it. But as I was leaving the Boardwalk, there was an SUV full of these teenage boys all staring at me.  We made eye contact, but it was uneasy for me because of the way they were looking.  I detected this sense of inferiority and mockery, as if they were looking at me like they were better than me. It felt like high school all over again. And after I had walked several feet past them, I heard this humongous roar of laughter.  That was probably the most hurtful part of the whole experience.

The conclusion.

But overall, it wasn’t that bad.  It was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be to have hundreds of people see me in a dress.  For the most part, I was able to remain solid and walk around in a dress as if it was a normal Saturday thing to do.  I’m happy I was able to keep my composure and handle the situation relatively well.  As I reflect on my experience, I feel pretty good that I had the nerve to do something like this as most men wouldn’t have the courage to do it.  However, I still felt strangely unfulfilled after it was all over.  It was anti-climatic.  I wasn’t excited or thrilled, but felt kinda empty; like is that it?  Have you ever felt that way about accomplishing something that you thought would have been more spectacular than it actually turned out to be?

But it gets better.

So after it was over, I was feeling a little bummed about the whole thing.  I didn’t have that sense of victory as I thought I would have.  Nonetheless, it was the Fourth of July after all, so I participated in the barbecue activities at the Inner Confidence residence.  Towards the evening, I was suppose to leave and hop to another BBQ, but I stayed and am glad I did because I met this Wicked woman.

I kinda noticed her earlier in the evening, but didn’t get a chance to chat with her until the later part of the evening – just as the fireworks coincidentally started. So what can I say about her and the experience? Well…it was definitely more fulfilling than walking down the Boardwalk in a dress.

It was refreshing to meet someone who actually shares the similar beliefs, values, and outlook on life.  Someone who understands how I feel about where I’ve been, where I’m at now, and where I’m going and vice versa.  Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who has insecurities and fears to overcome and it’s a long and lonely journey, but don’t really notice until someone else crosses onto your path. I’m always pleasantly surprised about how the Universe always comes through for me and supplies me with exactly what I need at this very moment now.

So the day didn’t turn out how I expected, but it did turn out better than I expected.

But before I even knew what improv was, I remember seeing the show, “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” I won’t post a video clip because pretty much all of them are funny. Just go YouTube it if you’ve never heard of the show.

Anyways, when I first saw it, I was so impressed by these performers by how spontaneous, quick, and witty they are. I couldn’t believe how funny these people can be in just a blink of an eye. Without a script or preparing, these talented folks are saying and doing some freaking hilarious stuff! It was so amazing that one day I knew I wanted to learn how to do improv. And being a left-brained kind of guy, I thought about the:

Benefits of Taking Improv

• Cultivates humor, spontaneity, and creativity.
• Being able to think quickly on my feet.
• I learn how to STOP thinking, let my mind go (left brain), be present in the situation, and just feel and flow.
• Teaches me to emote and explore other aspects of communication: facial expressions, gestures, tonality, volume, etc.
• Teaches me to care less about looking “stupid” in front of other people.
• Makes a great experience and story to tell.
• Public speaking is scary, but improv is worse. For the most part, people that do public speaking have time to prepare and deliver their speech. With improv, there is no time. How scary is it to be thrown on stage with no idea what the topic is going to be and having people look at you and expecting you to make them laugh? But the better question to ask is how much of a better person, communicator, lover, entrepreneur, family member, etc. will you become if you can conquer that and acquire the skills from all the bullet points listed above?

With that in mind, I began in November 2008 taking improv classes from Mission Improvable (formerly known as Westside Eclectic) in Santa Monica and completed their first three levels of improv (3 hours per class for 6-8 weeks for each level) for a total of 70+ hours of improv over 6 months. Everyone from my classmates to the instructors made those classes so much fun. During that same time period, I supplemented with another 25 hours of improv from The Magic Meathands in West Los Angeles, another awesome group of people.

All-in-all, I think I’ve racked up about 100 hours of improv. So now the question is: what have I learned after going through all that? I definitely accomplished a lot of the things I listed in the bullet points, but I want to emphasize these related takeaways:

#1- Don’t think about what to say. Just be present, connect with your partner and audience, and just do.
One of the worst things to do that will really mess you up is thinking about what to say. This is especially true if you’re trying to think of something funny. Instead of doing that, be present with your partner on stage and your audience. This means listening, feeling, and connecting with them and they will give you all the conscious and subconscious gifts you need to come up with something genius to say or do. It will spontaneously and magically happen.

I found this to be useful not just in improv, but also when it comes to meeting women. The last thing I should be asking myself before approaching a woman is: what should I say to her? Instead, I’m better off being open and observant and she and/or the situation will give me something to talk about or I’ll suddenly remember something to talk about.

#2 – Don’t filter your words or actions. Just trust and go with it.
Trusting myself was one of the hardest things to do. Having faith and belief that your brain and body will come through for you during the times of your greatest need is one of the greatest gifts you can give it. Because time and time again, your mind and body will always serve you in the highest light possible if you just let it.

In improv, that meant trusting the first words and ideas that come to mind and going with it. Of course you sacrifice in the short-term by bombing a LOT, but it’s a necessary evil for developing this extremely valuable habit. Your job now is to just go with it and the feedback you get from your partner and audience will train your brain. It’s only through trial and error will you build that sense of calibration and your mind will automatically know what to give you and what NOT to give you in the future. For now, just execute. Because in the long-run, you’ll be more pleasantly surprised by the brilliance of the things that come out of your mouth when you just do it. And that will never happen in the future if you don’t stop filtering (and punishing) your brain now.

#3 – No hesitation. Just go. And go all the way.
In improv, one of the worst things you can do to your partner is leave them hanging on stage and out to dry. Not only does it make them look awkward, but it makes you and everyone on your team look awkward. Instead, once you get a topic from the audience or the scene has started, you have 1-2 seconds for a pregnant pause to collect yourself before you GO. And whatever that idea is, as “stupid” as you may think, commit 110% to it. Even at 80% commitment, it’ll still look stupid. But at 110%, it’s funny. Check out this clip of Peter Griffin from the Family Guy when he hurts his knee.

Watch more SPIKE videos on AOL Video

When he first falls and hurts his knee, it looks like a normal scene. After a little while, it’s stupid because he’s still hurting. But then after that moment passes, it starts becoming hysterical. Peter went with the hurt knee and committed 110% and it went from something normal to something funny.

In terms of hesitation, it definitely applies to meeting women. For the most part, you’re better off 9 times out of 10 to just go approach her the moment you see here, rather than lingering around to figure out what to say or waiting for that “perfect” moment, which usually never comes anyways. Because the more you wait, the more self-doubt will surface and women DO notice the creepy weird guys that hover around but don’t say anything to her. They can spot (and feel) them from a mile away. Conversely, if a woman is within your proximity, they want you to talk to them – so say something, anything!

And in life, very rarely does something just fall into your lap. (Law of attraction is an element at play though.) But for the most part, nothing good just happens – you have to get off your ass and get it NOW. God, luck, the Universe, your subconscious, or whatever you call it will open the door, but you must walk through it (credit Morpheus). And when you do go for it, fully commit and truly go for it because you’re only wasting your time if you’re just half-assing it.

So that’s my rant on improv. It was one of the scariest, yet most fulfilling experiences in my life. I definitely wouldn’t have won the LA Air Sex Championships without the experience, nor would I have become the person I am today. So if improv scares you, then you know what you have to do – go do it.

What do you want to become again?

Who are you?
Check out my About page.

How did you get into this?
The synopsis: I walked through the doors of the LA Aix Sex Championships with no intent of competing, but just to go “check it out.” Then two girls there said anyone can enter and that I should do it. And then I did. And then it was the people in the crowd that helped me develop my routine with their ideas and cheered me on to win the LA competition and move onto the finals.
The details: Shanghai Slammer Fucks Air

And why do you want to win this competition now?
It was thanks to the awesome audience in LA that helped me advance to the finals and I owe it to them to win it all now. There’s no half-assing life. You either do it or you don’t. Now that I’m in this position, there is no other outcome but to win as gratitude for the people that got me here.

So how can I help?

1. I need your raunchiest, dirtiest, and most creative ideas for my air sex finals routine. Whatever idea, theme, sex moves, etc. you got, send it to me. There is nothing too small or too big. Everything is a source of inspiration, so Contact me and send it over!
2. Tell all your friends, enemies, and family and co-workers (if they’re cool like that) about this blog.  (I understand how difficult it can be talking to family about sex.)  See the ShareThis green icon at the bottom.
3. Be at the finals so that I can personally thank you for the support and cheering me on.

Thanks guys. You’re the best:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fWvub_WBho

So last week I received an email from Yelp and noticed that there was a link to the Air Sex World Championships. Being naive, I clicked on the link and saw pictures and videos of people having sex with the air. Sweet! I’m learning to become a more sexual guy, so I should go and at least check it out.

I suppose I should have brought a date or some friends, but cruised over there alone anyways. As I’m looking for the venue, I bumped into a couple of dudes looking for air sex too, as the three of us walked by the Angelus Temple -- ironic. I ultimately get there and start chatting with some of the people hanging around waiting for the event to begin. I think it was the second group of girls I spoke to that mentioned that anyone can just sign up and perform and suggested that I go do it.

As soon as that thought came into my mind, I almost peed in my pants. The idea of going up onto stage in front of everyone and fucking the air was a scary thought, especially because I walked through those doors with absolutely zero intention of performing. I was just there to check it out and the thought of going up there with no routine or practice scared the shit out of me. As a recovering perfectionist, I had this intense need for certainty, planning, and practicing everything I do so that it’s perfect. Coming from that place, it was scary. I was not only scared about doing it, but scared that I knew I had to do it now because that’s how I’ve chosen to live my life from this point forward -- out of my comfort zone.

So now, the first thing that comes to my mind is: how do I go up there and not make a complete ass out of myself? Since that inherently wasn’t possible at an air sex event, my next question was: so how do I go up there and do a kick-ass job? How am I suppose to figure out what I’m going to do? Then it struck me -- go ask your audience, idiot!

I think I had about 30 minutes, so I talked to as many women and then men as possible. That was a fun exercise. Just walk up to a group of women and ask, “So, what do you like a man to do to you when you’re having sex?” I’m pretty sure I probably would have gotten slapped in the face at any other venue, but this was the air sex championships and pretty much EVERYBODY I talked to was super cool about helping me out.

The first guy I talked to said I was going to win. I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic since he was buzzed, but what the hell -- I’ll take his blessing.

One of the first group of gals I talked to were Michelle and Dana. I told them I was going to be Shanghai Schlong (credit to Ben in NorCal for coming up with the name at Robbie’s Pimp ‘n Hos birthday party), but the girls dubbed me Shanghai Slammer and suggested that I incorporate some professional wrestling. Cool. Shanghai Slammer it is. From there, I bounced from group to group and collected about 20-25 ideas. You guys are an awesome group of dirty raunchy guys and gals. I love it.

At this point, I began glancing over the list of ideas and gave my brain permission to start coming up with ideas on how to put it all together in a storyline/sequence. I slowly developed an idea of the overall beginning, middle, and end and then stopped thinking about it. I would glance and meditate over the list a few more times, but then shifted focus to completely letting go, remaining calm, and trusting that my brain will guide my body to do whatever it needs to do when it’s showtime.

During roll call, we were told that it was going to be completely random and I was praying that I could go first so that I could get it over with. But of course, I ultimately ended up being last. This sucked because I could barely pay attention to the other competitors since I had to try not to stew, but remain calm for the next 20-30 minutes. And of course, my motto was to do it without alcohol. Can’t develop a dependence on liquid courage to get into “state” because it’s only temporary and won’t always be there in life. I genuinely need to learn to internally change who I am in order to make permanent lasting change -- thus, no booze and must do it 100% sober.

All the competitors on stage did an amazing job. It takes some serious balls (and ovaries) to go up there and do something like that, so I gotta commend them for doing it. When it was my turn to go, I flipped the switch from serious to showtime and everything after that was a big blur. I know I couldn’t have done any of that if it wasn’t for all my friends, classmates, and instructors when I was taking improv for several months at Mission Improvable and Magic Meathands.

Now I haven’t seen the video or pictures from the scene yet [stay tuned], but I’m sure it’s going to be pretty embarrassing. And now that I think about it, I may have just thrown any opportunities of a white collar profession out the window. But that’s cool -- who wants one anyways.

After it was over, I was relieved for about half a second, until I realized that I have to go do it again when it was announced that I was moving onto the second and final round. And instead of almost peeing in my pants, I almost shitted in them. I virtually emptied my repertoire on the first round and now must come up with another scene. But if I did it the first time, I had to trust myself that I could do it again. I was fortunate to go second, so I had a little time to repeat the same mental process and came up with at least something slightly different. I didn’t top my first one, but it was good enough to win. Having that slight plan for the second round and the certainty in body language (despite not really knowing what I was going to do next, but fully committing anyways) probably were the two main factors for the win. But of course, it was the audience that really pulled through for me.

So thank you for sharing the love and cheering me on. Please holler at me if you were there tonight because I really do appreciate you for helping this underdog get the victory. And if you have any ideas or suggestions for the finals, please shout at me too. Because now that I’m going to the finals, my next mission is to win it all for LA.

PICTURES
http://www.flickr.com/photos/skampy/sets/72157620641964754/

VIDEOS
Wontoncruelty was in the audience and shot this video of me for round 1! Thanks!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDnrPKpVctI

But before I dive deeper into that, I’ll explain what I mean about direct interest and sexuality. Without having these two qualities as a man, a guy will eventually end up in the friend zone with a woman and never have the opportunity to have any sexual relationship with her. A man may be able to have a fun conversation with a woman and generate interest and attraction, but won’t get any farther if he is unable to show that she turns him on as a fine sexy woman. (And from a woman’s perspective, who doesn’t want to be a desirable and beautiful creature.) So that’s where I’m at right now – I can talk to women, but my biggest challenge at the moment is getting over the fear of putting my balls on the line, risking rejection, and showing women that I am sexually attracted to them as a man.

To show my sexual interest, I can do it using body language and physical touch, but the one specific area I’d like to experiment and work on right now is learning how to talk dirty to a woman. Now I’m sure different women have different thresholds of what’s sexy talk to them, but I’d like to cultivate my range of dirty talk. I’d like to be able to articulately and seductively turn a woman on by just using my words.

So in order to do that, how does a guy get good at this stuff? Is there phone sex training/school for guys? I suppose I can call a phone sex line, but that’ll be a costly exercise. As I was brushing my teeth, I had an idea: Craigslist! Now I don’t have much experience with Craigslist. But from talking to other people, it’s either a miracle or disaster. So let’s experiment and see what happens.

============================

I configured my Google Voice phone number to forward to my cell phone and will be posting the following ad in the adult services section:

Are You a Woman Who Thinks She’s Good at Phone Sex?

Then come give me a shot. I’m an Asian male in my late 20’s and grew up in a traditional Asian household that did NOT talk about sex. I never had the birds and the bees talk and had a pretty sheltered life growing up.

So why am I posting this ad? Because as a man, I need to be more sexual and dominant and learn how to talk dirty to a woman. So if you think you’re any good at phone sex or think you can show me a thing or two, then I dare you to call me.

If you want to block your caller ID, then press the *67 before dialing my phone number: 424-645-1411. If I happen to miss your call, then leave me a sexy message.

Let’s see what you got.

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www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

From a social anxiety standpoint, how awkward would it be to go up to people (without a sign) and just ask for a hug? It made me a little uncomfortable when I thought about it, especially when it means approaching other men, whether they are alone, with a group, or extremely masculine and tough-looking. I mean, how weird would it look for a guy to walk up to big muscular or tattooed random dude and asking him for a hug. What about approaching a group of guys, couples, families, or girls? As a result, I had to go do it.

6/12/09
I went out on Third Street Promenade and approached 40 people with, “You look friendly. Can I give you a hug?” Out of the 40, I got 4 of them to give me a hug -- a 10% success rate. As I suspected, asking the guys for a hug was the hardest. I got plenty of disgusted looks and whispers to their friend about what my problem is. Can’t remember for certain, but one of them might even have told me to fuck off. Anyways, it’s interesting to see how uncomfortable some men are with embracing other men. I was one of them because I was afraid of guys thinking that I’m gay for asking. But if I can’t be comfortable with physical touch with men, how can I expect to be comfortable with physical touch with women?

6/20/09
I went to Venice Boardwalk this time with Eyes Wide Open and did another 40 approaches with the same line: “You look really friendly. Can I give you a hug?” I didn’t keep track of how many hugs I actually got, but it must have been at least a 20-30% compliance this time. So what did I do differently this time to get better results?

1. Opening early -- Most of my approaches were oncoming traffic. In other words, I would ask people walking towards me rather than from behind or the side. But when they were coming towards me, I made sure to start talking early. They were at least 7-10 feet away so that I could get out everything I wanted to say by the time they were within hugging distance. In the previous attempts, I would open too late and they would have walked past me by the time I finished asking. And by then, it was easier for them to decline and just keep walking, rather than turning around to talk/hug me.
2. Speaking loudly -- I didn’t shout, but I made sure to speak loud enough that they could hear me from the 7-10 feet distance. But in order to do this, it required me to project my voice past them and having people around me overhearing what I was saying without caring what they thought about me. I especially remember this one time when there was a large group of people walking towards me. There were at least 10-15 people in the group. They weren’t all together, but they were walking in one giant cluster. So when I opened the people in the front, I had to talk lough enough for the people in the back to hear.  And of course when the people in front declined, everyone else behind them followed suit and ignored me as well.
3. Certainty in voice tonality and body language -- When I only got 1 out of 10 in the first experiment, it was pretty much asking them for a hug.  This time around when I doubled or tripled my results, I was doing it more confidently as if I was expecting them to give me the hug.  It was a combination of asking for a hug and telling them I was going to hug them. Funny thing is that most people wouldn’t really give me the hug, but was willing to stand there and let me hug them. Goes to show in life that sometimes it’s not just about  meeting halfway, but just going for it.
4. Holding my arms wide open -- As I’m saying, “can I give you a hug?,” I open my arms wide and welcome the embrace.  This puts a little extra social pressure for people to not let me hang with my arms out like that.
5. Standing there and not taking no for an answer -- I was much more successful with people that were standing still than walking. Since they were already stationary, I made sure to stand there with my arms out and didn’t take no for an answer. The only way they could say no was to walk away from me. And by just standing there and not going away, it was a lot more social pressure for them to comply. I remember a mother I approached rejected me and said no because I was a stranger, but I continued to stand there unfazed for several seconds. I could tell by the look on her face that she was surprised by my resilience. I then asked her at least 2-3 more times until I finally convinced her and she gave me a hug.

For the most part, I approached anybody: all guys, just one guy, all girls, just one girl, mother with kids, alpha guys, gay guys, etc. I wasn’t completely fearless though because I did skip the stinky homeless people and the ones that looked like gangsters.

Overall, I gained a couple of things from this exercise. First, it helped me get over some social anxiety. And secondly, it’s been very useful for approaching women. The five principles I listed above for improving my hug compliance also applies to approaching women. In fact, I used that on a few cuties to start conversations. One reason I really like it for an opener is that it filters out the women who are not adventurous, open, friendly, and outgoing -- all of which are qualities that are significant to me. I’m kicking myself in the butt though because I had a couple of opportunities with two cuties, but didn’t go for the phone number.

For the first one, the conversation was going well, but her father/uncle came up and joined us. I told him that I was giving hugs today and gave him one too. He was cool and friendly about it, but I was still afraid to go for the phone number because he was standing right there.

The second one was even worse. She was such an adorable brunette: she was sporting some Chuck Taylors with some short little shorts. And when I hugged her, she had this intoxicating scent. Yummy. Anyways, we only chatted for several seconds, but then she eventually started walking away. I remembered Brian’s line, “Hey, I’m not done flirting with you yet.” Unfortunately, that didn’t stop her and she kept walking. She ultimately stopped several feet at the crosswalk and stood there, but my lame ass turned around and walked away, instead of following her and trying to continue the conversation. Damn it!

But oh well, it’s missed opportunities like these that motivate us to capitalize on the next one.

Cashier: Do you have a Ralphs’ card?
Me: No. I don’t have mine today. Can I use yours?
Cashier: Do you have a phone number?
Me: No. I don’t have card. Can I use yours?
Cashier: [Hesitates, but eventually uses hers.]

Cashier: That’ll be $8.97.
Me: OK. [I reach into my two pockets, one on each side of my cargo shorts, pull out two fistfuls of change and throw them onto the counter. A few coins fall down to the ground. By this time, there were 3 people in line behind me.] Let’s see…1, 2, 3, 4, 5,…[counting the pennies]…28, 29…
Cashier: [With this disgusted look on her face.] You know there’s a Coinstar over there.
Me: Yeah, but they charge a fee. Shoot…I lost count. 1, 2, 3, 4…
Customer in line behind me: Ahh jeez. [She was a Ralphs employee. Got irritated and grabbed her stuff and went to another line.]
Me: 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37…
Next customer in line behind me: Are you serious? [He wasn't all that excited about it either.]
Me: What? I have some extra change. 38, 39, 40…

But by this time, she canceled our transaction and began ringing up the customers behind me while I continued to count my change. Finally I finish.

Me: Here you go. $8.97. [Only had enough change for $3.97, so I added a $5 bill.] Do you need to count it?
Cashier: No. I trust you. [Finishes ringing me up.]
Me: Can I have my receipt?
Cashier: [Gives it to me with a not-so-happy look on her face.]
Me: Thanks. Have a nice day.

Total time for the interaction and holding up the express line: 4 minutes and 50 seconds

This experiment was kinda fun. The objective was to sit in and manage the tension/conflict from the cashier and customers behind me and be OK with it. All during this process, my gal pal is giggling here and there. I didn’t tell her ahead of time that I was going to do this, but she knew what I was up to as we were in the middle of it.

As she’s laughing, it starts making me smile and laugh on the inside. I’m standing there trying to count the change and not laugh at the same time because that would be releasing the tension, instead of staying cool and managing it by keeping a straight face and “staying in character.”

Because I had this chuckle on my face, I couldn’t make much eye contact with the cashier and had to keep looking down or else she probably would have gotten even more pissed at me. I would have loved to have been able to look at her more often though and be able to better sit with the tension/conflict.