Spilling My Guts and Being Vulnerable
Today I was having one of those days where I’ve been feeling pretty good about approaching women. When I’m out and about now, I’m actually eager to spot cute girls. I was in Santa Monica doing some work and had to step out onto Third Street Promenade to get something. As I was walking around, I saw a couple of the cuties I really liked. It was then where I got scared again. I was able to open and make a comment to one, so at least that was cool. I passed another potential cute one at the corner, but didn’t turn around and go back because I got scared again.
It’s an interesting situation. In the past few days, I’ve been feeling supremely confident at times and now I feel like a chicken again. But after a little while, I realized that this has been much better than several months ago. Back then, I used to be chicken all the time and not confident any time. So putting it into that perspective helped a lot because now it’s confident some of the time and only chicken some of the time (and much less of one than before).
But as I was walking back to the office, I thought about my situation right now: I feel very confident when I approach the women that I’m only moderately attracted to. I have that feeling of “I can do this.” But when it comes to the women that I’m really attracted to, I get scared wondering if I’m good enough for them and give them all the power. So on one hand, I didn’t want to date the ones that were only moderately attractive because I wanted to go for the perfect girl. On the other hand, I was still scared of the perfect girl. Dilemma right?
But when I asked Brian about it the other day, he said to go do both. Instead of this being mutually exclusive, go for both types of women. He recommended that I should date the women I’m moderately attracted to (my 7’s and 8’s) while simultaneously going for the ones I’m super attracted to (my 9’s and 10’s). It was such a simple and easy answer, I wonder why I didn’t think of it. Makes sense to learn to date and get comfortable with women in general while I build my experience and confidence during the process.
So by the time I got back to the office, I was both enlightened and frustrated. I’m glad I had my epiphany, but wasn’t satisfied that I didn’t really go for those two other girls I saw. After a little while, I knew what I had to do.
I finished up what I needed to do at the office and went to the hallway bathroom. I washed my hands, fixed my hair, and wiped the sweat off my forehead. I gathered myself, walked out the bathroom door, turned a couple of feet, and rang the intercom doorbell to suite 850.
Receptionist through the intercom: Hello. The door’s open. Come on in.
I open the door and go into the office.
Me: Oh. I thought that was like a buzzer and the door was locked.
Receptionist: Yeah. Everybody thinks that. Anyways, how can I help you?
Me: Yeah. Is Lisa here? I’d like to talk to her. It’s C-Dub. I’m your neighbor in suite 800.
Receptionist: Yeah. I remember you.
Me: Oh. Cool.
Receptionist: [Speaking into the telephone.] Hi Lisa. C-Dub is here in the lobby to see you.
Receptionist: She’ll be right out.
Lisa: Hi.
Me: Hi Lisa. It’s C-Dub. We met a while ago. Do you have a couple of minutes to talk privately outside in the hallway?
Lisa: OK.
We go out into the hallway.
Me: So yeah. Do you remember me? I ran into you in the elevator one night a few months ago when you were working late.
Lisa: [Thinks about it for a little bit.] Oh yeah. I remember.
Me: Since that night, I was hoping we’d bump into each other again because I thought you were adorable.
She blushes. Then her boss walks through the hallway and she gets embarrassed some more.
Me: Was that your boss?
Lisa: Yeah. That was my boss. [Blushes some more.]
Me: Oh good. Now it’s awkward for the both of us.
Me: But yeah. The company I had work for is moving out, so today is our last day in the building. So before I go, I had to come by and see you again because I think you’re cute. I didn’t want to go to bed tonight with regret because it’s one of the worst feelings in the world, so I wanted to meet you. We should hang out sometime.
Lisa: [Blushes and giggles.] Hang out? I’m kinda seeing someone right now.
Me: Wow. I’m flattered. We only met for a short time and you already consider me dating material. Do you think we can take it one step at a time and just start by being friends? [Smile.]
Lisa: [Laughes.] So just hang out? As friends? [Smiles.] I’m actually just casually dating him.
Me: OK cool. So we’ll hang out sometime. Are you a texter?
Lisa: Why don’t you give me your phone number? [Reaches for the door to presumably go back inside and get a piece of paper and pen.]
Me: [Puts hand on door.] Wait a minute. You’re not one of THOSE girls that call 24 hours a day. Because if that’s you, then I’m going to have to give you your phone number back. [Smile.]
Lisa: [Laughes and smiles.]
Me: So do you like babies?
Lisa: I like dogs.
Me: Babies are a little different than dogs. Because if you don’t like babies, we can’t be friends. [I show her my wallpaper picture of my niece on my phone.] She’s my niece. I love her to death. I saw her today.
Lisa: [Didn't seem very thrilled.]
Me: So anyways, what’s your area code? Are you a 310 girl? [I stand next to her with phone in my hand.]
Lisa: Yeah.
Me: 310…go ahead.
Lisa: XXX-XXXX.
Me: OK cool. We’ll hang out some time. I’ll let you get back to work now. Gimmie a hug.
The hug was kinda wimpy and I forgot to bust her on it because I was still nervous.
In any event, it was such an awesome moment for me. (She seemed to have really liked it too because she giggled and blushed the whole time.) I’ve never put my heart on the line like that and spilled my guts like that before, so it was really cool to be truly genuine and vulnerable to a woman like that and see her respond so positively and be flattered about it. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy movie.
I also felt like I was on top of the world. I didn’t care as much about getting her number or not. I was just so thrilled with myself that this was my first real step towards going after a girl who is really my type. She’s this smart white girl (real estate finance) with blondish brown hair. She has multiple ear piercings and is really feminine, but with a down-to-earth girl-next-door personality. She’s just a tad shy, which is adorable because it’s just enough, but seems to be really outgoing and carefree once she gets to know someone. At least that’s my read on it.
So anyways, I’m really proud of myself for knocking on that door and doing what I did because it was the scariest thing I remember doing thus far all year. =0)
Haha, you rock man. I am thoroughly enjoying reading your blog.
I was in this situation myself, except I never actually bumped into her, but her office was on the ground floor and they had glass windows top to bottom. I would see her now and then whenever I’d go to my floor and thought she was really cute. Then we moved offices and I kick myself for having thought of doing this but not having had the balls to do it (and this was 2 years ago now). I drove by for some unrelated reason by my office a couple months back and thought of just walking in and putting it out there, with no concern for actually caring to succeed or not, but just to be able to put that behind me and not think about the ‘what ifs’. Major props.