It wasn’t until earlier this year that I finally decided to do something about it.  I first noticed at my local 24 Hour Fitness gym that they offered free hip hop dance classes as part of my membership.  It wasn’t freestyle stuff for the club, but it was a start learning rhythm and choreography.  So I began going to the classes and fell in love with the style and personality of my instructor, Tiffaney Boyd.

Soon after, I began taking private lessons from her.  After my first 1-hour lesson, she thought I needed about 19 more lessons in order to be dope (I only signed up for 10).  At least she’s honest.  Anyways, this is some footage from some of our lessons together.  She’s teaching the Pac-Man (one of my favorite moves), basic body rocking, and puppeting.  Isn’t she adorable?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-kJGJgExzc

So for the next 10 weeks, I took my freestyle hip hop lessons.  It was some of the most frustrating times.  My brain understood how to perform different moves, but it was another thing to get my body to do it.  It felt like one big piece of flesh.  But slowly over time through hours of practice in front of a mirror, I learned to isolate different body parts and could begin to actually look decent dancing!  In addition to dancing at the gym, I would also practice doing the ‘real thing.’  I remember weekends where I would go to the dance club by myself just to dance from 10 PM when the doors opened to 2 AM when the doors closed, just so that I could learn to become comfortable on the dance floor.

After a couple of months of this, I naturally started to feel good and enjoy dancing.  I’m comfortable enough that I’m OK with being the first and only one on the dance floor.  I learned to have some rhythm and move my body to music.  But most importantly, I learned to stop worrying so much about what other people might negatively think of me if I couldn’t dance well.  And that feeling of liberation was well worth all the hard work.

Why in the world are you doing this?
My primary reason for doing this is to smash social anxiety by going into a heavily populated public area as a man wearing a dress. By doing this, my outcome was to be liberated from social anxiety and the fear of what negative things other people may think of me. By being free from the fear of criticism, I will be more empowered in many areas of my life. There have been too many times in the past where I didn’t do something or was afraid to do it (even though it was in my personal best interest) because of what naysayers would think. And continuing to live that way is no longer acceptable in my world.

Some other reasons:

• It’s summer and it’ll be July 4th on Saturday and I don’t think there will be any weekend for the remainder of the year that will have this much foot traffic.  It’ll be maximum exposure and the same opportunity won’t be coming around for a while.
• I’ll learn to walk into the midst of tension and manage it.
• This type of feat will help me prepare for the World Air Sex Championships in Vegas.
• Perhaps it will inspire someone else out there in the world to do something that goes outside their comfort zone.
• It’s an ego/confidence boost to be able to say that I had the balls to do something like this. It also becomes a powerful frame of reference for me.  One day in the future I’m going to encounter a challenge that I’ll have self-doubt about overcoming.  I’m then going to tell myself that if I can walk down Venice Boardwalk in a dress, then I can overcome this petty challenge.  Sometimes it might not work, but other times it will.

However, when I discussed this with my coaches at Inner Confidence, they actually DISCOURAGED me from doing it.  They said it would be good for someone who is much more shy and reserved.  But if I were to do it, it would only be a way to distract myself from something they think I’m even more afraid of: connecting with women.  I sincerely respect the advice they give me and I can agree with that on some level, but I still think the benefits and opportunity is worth pursuing and am doing it anyways.

The caveats.

But in order to get the maximum value out of this, it was extremely important that I did this with two caveats:

1. Playing it off would be one thing, but accepting it is another. It would be much easier if I walked down the Boardwalk in the dress and purposely acted like a buffoon as if it was a bet or that I’m just horsing around. The more challenging (and critical) method is to do it as if it was completely normal. It’s easy (or easier) to pretend that I’m just a goofball tranny/crossdresser, making jokes, acting like a clown, or laughing at the whole thing. Those are all methods of releasing the tension and justifying the ridiculous act of a man wearing a dress. Instead, my objective was to be as comfortable as possible with wearing a dress and doing my best to pretend that this was normal for me. By being calm and sitting in the tension of having people think that I’m a moron is much more effective than trying to “play it off” and giving people an excuse to justify why I have a dress on.
2. Ignoring people is one thing, but it’s another to connect with them. It would be easier to completely ignore and disconnect from people. This would be like walking down the Boardwalk and pretending no one was there. The more challenging thing to do would be to notice, acknowledge, be present, and connect with people. Make eye contact with people who stare. Feel the disgust and humility on their faces. See it, hear it, and feel it – but let it all channel through me and remain solid.

With that said, my friend JoRock and I walked down the Venice Boardwalk on Saturday July 4th as men wearing dresses.  Pure and Carte Blanche joined us in support and got some footage as well.

The experience.

A couple of things were as I expected. People did some double takes to look twice and made sure they saw what they saw. Even a couple of police officers were a little shocked. Drivers in cars stuck in traffic honked and screamed at us as we walked by. Some even took a picture.

Most people though were afraid to make eye contact. As soon as they noticed that we were dressed like women, their eyes would shoot away and try to ignore us.  I tried to make eye contact with most people, but they struggled to look in my eyes.

I could tell that many people had these guilty smiles on their face that they were trying to contain.  I took the whole dress thing very seriously and didn’t even crack a smile, so they definitely interpreted it as something normal and not a joke.  Having that frame of mind made most people afraid to laugh in front of my face, but many had no problem laughing and commenting behind my back after I walked by and looked back.  It unfortunately goes to show how a lot of people in life do these things: gossip behind your back because they don’t have the nerve to do it in your face.  It’s something I’ve been guilty of before myself, so it was a good reminder to be a better human being by not being one of those people that do that.

The two most uncomfortable moments from the whole experience:

1. Basketball court walk of shame. Walking through the crowd wasn’t too bad, so Carte Blanche challenged me to walk across the basketball court where all the spectators and masculine basketball players were sitting.  The idea made my skin crawl to purposely try to attract attention and have all those people look at me.  So of course, I had to do it.  That was pretty embarrassing because I knew all eyes were on me and I was trying to get attention.  It was pretty shameful as I could barely make any eye contact while doing that.
2. The rowdy teenage boys. Towards the end, I must have already been walking around for over an hour and was feeling quite comfortable doing it. But as I was leaving the Boardwalk, there was an SUV full of these teenage boys all staring at me.  We made eye contact, but it was uneasy for me because of the way they were looking.  I detected this sense of inferiority and mockery, as if they were looking at me like they were better than me. It felt like high school all over again. And after I had walked several feet past them, I heard this humongous roar of laughter.  That was probably the most hurtful part of the whole experience.

The conclusion.

But overall, it wasn’t that bad.  It was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be to have hundreds of people see me in a dress.  For the most part, I was able to remain solid and walk around in a dress as if it was a normal Saturday thing to do.  I’m happy I was able to keep my composure and handle the situation relatively well.  As I reflect on my experience, I feel pretty good that I had the nerve to do something like this as most men wouldn’t have the courage to do it.  However, I still felt strangely unfulfilled after it was all over.  It was anti-climatic.  I wasn’t excited or thrilled, but felt kinda empty; like is that it?  Have you ever felt that way about accomplishing something that you thought would have been more spectacular than it actually turned out to be?

But it gets better.

So after it was over, I was feeling a little bummed about the whole thing.  I didn’t have that sense of victory as I thought I would have.  Nonetheless, it was the Fourth of July after all, so I participated in the barbecue activities at the Inner Confidence residence.  Towards the evening, I was suppose to leave and hop to another BBQ, but I stayed and am glad I did because I met this Wicked woman.

I kinda noticed her earlier in the evening, but didn’t get a chance to chat with her until the later part of the evening – just as the fireworks coincidentally started. So what can I say about her and the experience? Well…it was definitely more fulfilling than walking down the Boardwalk in a dress.

It was refreshing to meet someone who actually shares the similar beliefs, values, and outlook on life.  Someone who understands how I feel about where I’ve been, where I’m at now, and where I’m going and vice versa.  Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who has insecurities and fears to overcome and it’s a long and lonely journey, but don’t really notice until someone else crosses onto your path. I’m always pleasantly surprised about how the Universe always comes through for me and supplies me with exactly what I need at this very moment now.

So the day didn’t turn out how I expected, but it did turn out better than I expected.

But before I even knew what improv was, I remember seeing the show, “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” I won’t post a video clip because pretty much all of them are funny. Just go YouTube it if you’ve never heard of the show.

Anyways, when I first saw it, I was so impressed by these performers by how spontaneous, quick, and witty they are. I couldn’t believe how funny these people can be in just a blink of an eye. Without a script or preparing, these talented folks are saying and doing some freaking hilarious stuff! It was so amazing that one day I knew I wanted to learn how to do improv. And being a left-brained kind of guy, I thought about the:

Benefits of Taking Improv

• Cultivates humor, spontaneity, and creativity.
• Being able to think quickly on my feet.
• I learn how to STOP thinking, let my mind go (left brain), be present in the situation, and just feel and flow.
• Teaches me to emote and explore other aspects of communication: facial expressions, gestures, tonality, volume, etc.
• Teaches me to care less about looking “stupid” in front of other people.
• Makes a great experience and story to tell.
• Public speaking is scary, but improv is worse. For the most part, people that do public speaking have time to prepare and deliver their speech. With improv, there is no time. How scary is it to be thrown on stage with no idea what the topic is going to be and having people look at you and expecting you to make them laugh? But the better question to ask is how much of a better person, communicator, lover, entrepreneur, family member, etc. will you become if you can conquer that and acquire the skills from all the bullet points listed above?

With that in mind, I began in November 2008 taking improv classes from Mission Improvable (formerly known as Westside Eclectic) in Santa Monica and completed their first three levels of improv (3 hours per class for 6-8 weeks for each level) for a total of 70+ hours of improv over 6 months. Everyone from my classmates to the instructors made those classes so much fun. During that same time period, I supplemented with another 25 hours of improv from The Magic Meathands in West Los Angeles, another awesome group of people.

All-in-all, I think I’ve racked up about 100 hours of improv. So now the question is: what have I learned after going through all that? I definitely accomplished a lot of the things I listed in the bullet points, but I want to emphasize these related takeaways:

#1- Don’t think about what to say. Just be present, connect with your partner and audience, and just do.
One of the worst things to do that will really mess you up is thinking about what to say. This is especially true if you’re trying to think of something funny. Instead of doing that, be present with your partner on stage and your audience. This means listening, feeling, and connecting with them and they will give you all the conscious and subconscious gifts you need to come up with something genius to say or do. It will spontaneously and magically happen.

I found this to be useful not just in improv, but also when it comes to meeting women. The last thing I should be asking myself before approaching a woman is: what should I say to her? Instead, I’m better off being open and observant and she and/or the situation will give me something to talk about or I’ll suddenly remember something to talk about.

#2 – Don’t filter your words or actions. Just trust and go with it.
Trusting myself was one of the hardest things to do. Having faith and belief that your brain and body will come through for you during the times of your greatest need is one of the greatest gifts you can give it. Because time and time again, your mind and body will always serve you in the highest light possible if you just let it.

In improv, that meant trusting the first words and ideas that come to mind and going with it. Of course you sacrifice in the short-term by bombing a LOT, but it’s a necessary evil for developing this extremely valuable habit. Your job now is to just go with it and the feedback you get from your partner and audience will train your brain. It’s only through trial and error will you build that sense of calibration and your mind will automatically know what to give you and what NOT to give you in the future. For now, just execute. Because in the long-run, you’ll be more pleasantly surprised by the brilliance of the things that come out of your mouth when you just do it. And that will never happen in the future if you don’t stop filtering (and punishing) your brain now.

#3 – No hesitation. Just go. And go all the way.
In improv, one of the worst things you can do to your partner is leave them hanging on stage and out to dry. Not only does it make them look awkward, but it makes you and everyone on your team look awkward. Instead, once you get a topic from the audience or the scene has started, you have 1-2 seconds for a pregnant pause to collect yourself before you GO. And whatever that idea is, as “stupid” as you may think, commit 110% to it. Even at 80% commitment, it’ll still look stupid. But at 110%, it’s funny. Check out this clip of Peter Griffin from the Family Guy when he hurts his knee.

Watch more SPIKE videos on AOL Video

When he first falls and hurts his knee, it looks like a normal scene. After a little while, it’s stupid because he’s still hurting. But then after that moment passes, it starts becoming hysterical. Peter went with the hurt knee and committed 110% and it went from something normal to something funny.

In terms of hesitation, it definitely applies to meeting women. For the most part, you’re better off 9 times out of 10 to just go approach her the moment you see here, rather than lingering around to figure out what to say or waiting for that “perfect” moment, which usually never comes anyways. Because the more you wait, the more self-doubt will surface and women DO notice the creepy weird guys that hover around but don’t say anything to her. They can spot (and feel) them from a mile away. Conversely, if a woman is within your proximity, they want you to talk to them – so say something, anything!

And in life, very rarely does something just fall into your lap. (Law of attraction is an element at play though.) But for the most part, nothing good just happens – you have to get off your ass and get it NOW. God, luck, the Universe, your subconscious, or whatever you call it will open the door, but you must walk through it (credit Morpheus). And when you do go for it, fully commit and truly go for it because you’re only wasting your time if you’re just half-assing it.

So that’s my rant on improv. It was one of the scariest, yet most fulfilling experiences in my life. I definitely wouldn’t have won the LA Air Sex Championships without the experience, nor would I have become the person I am today. So if improv scares you, then you know what you have to do – go do it.

So last week I received an email from Yelp and noticed that there was a link to the Air Sex World Championships. Being naive, I clicked on the link and saw pictures and videos of people having sex with the air. Sweet! I’m learning to become a more sexual guy, so I should go and at least check it out.

I suppose I should have brought a date or some friends, but cruised over there alone anyways. As I’m looking for the venue, I bumped into a couple of dudes looking for air sex too, as the three of us walked by the Angelus Temple -- ironic. I ultimately get there and start chatting with some of the people hanging around waiting for the event to begin. I think it was the second group of girls I spoke to that mentioned that anyone can just sign up and perform and suggested that I go do it.

As soon as that thought came into my mind, I almost peed in my pants. The idea of going up onto stage in front of everyone and fucking the air was a scary thought, especially because I walked through those doors with absolutely zero intention of performing. I was just there to check it out and the thought of going up there with no routine or practice scared the shit out of me. As a recovering perfectionist, I had this intense need for certainty, planning, and practicing everything I do so that it’s perfect. Coming from that place, it was scary. I was not only scared about doing it, but scared that I knew I had to do it now because that’s how I’ve chosen to live my life from this point forward -- out of my comfort zone.

So now, the first thing that comes to my mind is: how do I go up there and not make a complete ass out of myself? Since that inherently wasn’t possible at an air sex event, my next question was: so how do I go up there and do a kick-ass job? How am I suppose to figure out what I’m going to do? Then it struck me -- go ask your audience, idiot!

I think I had about 30 minutes, so I talked to as many women and then men as possible. That was a fun exercise. Just walk up to a group of women and ask, “So, what do you like a man to do to you when you’re having sex?” I’m pretty sure I probably would have gotten slapped in the face at any other venue, but this was the air sex championships and pretty much EVERYBODY I talked to was super cool about helping me out.

The first guy I talked to said I was going to win. I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic since he was buzzed, but what the hell -- I’ll take his blessing.

One of the first group of gals I talked to were Michelle and Dana. I told them I was going to be Shanghai Schlong (credit to Ben in NorCal for coming up with the name at Robbie’s Pimp ‘n Hos birthday party), but the girls dubbed me Shanghai Slammer and suggested that I incorporate some professional wrestling. Cool. Shanghai Slammer it is. From there, I bounced from group to group and collected about 20-25 ideas. You guys are an awesome group of dirty raunchy guys and gals. I love it.

At this point, I began glancing over the list of ideas and gave my brain permission to start coming up with ideas on how to put it all together in a storyline/sequence. I slowly developed an idea of the overall beginning, middle, and end and then stopped thinking about it. I would glance and meditate over the list a few more times, but then shifted focus to completely letting go, remaining calm, and trusting that my brain will guide my body to do whatever it needs to do when it’s showtime.

During roll call, we were told that it was going to be completely random and I was praying that I could go first so that I could get it over with. But of course, I ultimately ended up being last. This sucked because I could barely pay attention to the other competitors since I had to try not to stew, but remain calm for the next 20-30 minutes. And of course, my motto was to do it without alcohol. Can’t develop a dependence on liquid courage to get into “state” because it’s only temporary and won’t always be there in life. I genuinely need to learn to internally change who I am in order to make permanent lasting change -- thus, no booze and must do it 100% sober.

All the competitors on stage did an amazing job. It takes some serious balls (and ovaries) to go up there and do something like that, so I gotta commend them for doing it. When it was my turn to go, I flipped the switch from serious to showtime and everything after that was a big blur. I know I couldn’t have done any of that if it wasn’t for all my friends, classmates, and instructors when I was taking improv for several months at Mission Improvable and Magic Meathands.

Now I haven’t seen the video or pictures from the scene yet [stay tuned], but I’m sure it’s going to be pretty embarrassing. And now that I think about it, I may have just thrown any opportunities of a white collar profession out the window. But that’s cool -- who wants one anyways.

After it was over, I was relieved for about half a second, until I realized that I have to go do it again when it was announced that I was moving onto the second and final round. And instead of almost peeing in my pants, I almost shitted in them. I virtually emptied my repertoire on the first round and now must come up with another scene. But if I did it the first time, I had to trust myself that I could do it again. I was fortunate to go second, so I had a little time to repeat the same mental process and came up with at least something slightly different. I didn’t top my first one, but it was good enough to win. Having that slight plan for the second round and the certainty in body language (despite not really knowing what I was going to do next, but fully committing anyways) probably were the two main factors for the win. But of course, it was the audience that really pulled through for me.

So thank you for sharing the love and cheering me on. Please holler at me if you were there tonight because I really do appreciate you for helping this underdog get the victory. And if you have any ideas or suggestions for the finals, please shout at me too. Because now that I’m going to the finals, my next mission is to win it all for LA.

PICTURES
http://www.flickr.com/photos/skampy/sets/72157620641964754/

VIDEOS
Wontoncruelty was in the audience and shot this video of me for round 1! Thanks!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDnrPKpVctI

After thinking about it a little more, I realized that having these types of anxieties were preventing me from doing a lot of things in life. It was stopping me from approaching and meeting the women I was really attracted to because of reasons like fear of rejection or what other people would think if they saw me fail. It was stopping me from talking and networking with people that would be helpful in my business. It was stopping me from telling people what I really wanted and how I felt about them.

Then one day, I was inspired by the work I was doing with Inner Confidence and began my quest on unlearning and discarding all these disempowering beliefs I had. Through this work and process, I started developing this desire to do things that were deliberately uncomfortable for me so that I can finally begin living a life of true freedom.

One of my favorite quotes that I now do my best to live by:

“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Give it a shot yourself. You’ll be amazed at how liberated you will feel.  After all, what scares you?  Chime in…