Cashier: Do you have a Ralphs’ card?
Me: No. I don’t have mine today. Can I use yours?
Cashier: Do you have a phone number?
Me: No. I don’t have card. Can I use yours?
Cashier: [Hesitates, but eventually uses hers.]

Cashier: That’ll be $8.97.
Me: OK. [I reach into my two pockets, one on each side of my cargo shorts, pull out two fistfuls of change and throw them onto the counter. A few coins fall down to the ground. By this time, there were 3 people in line behind me.] Let’s see…1, 2, 3, 4, 5,…[counting the pennies]…28, 29…
Cashier: [With this disgusted look on her face.] You know there’s a Coinstar over there.
Me: Yeah, but they charge a fee. Shoot…I lost count. 1, 2, 3, 4…
Customer in line behind me: Ahh jeez. [She was a Ralphs employee. Got irritated and grabbed her stuff and went to another line.]
Me: 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37…
Next customer in line behind me: Are you serious? [He wasn't all that excited about it either.]
Me: What? I have some extra change. 38, 39, 40…

But by this time, she canceled our transaction and began ringing up the customers behind me while I continued to count my change. Finally I finish.

Me: Here you go. $8.97. [Only had enough change for $3.97, so I added a $5 bill.] Do you need to count it?
Cashier: No. I trust you. [Finishes ringing me up.]
Me: Can I have my receipt?
Cashier: [Gives it to me with a not-so-happy look on her face.]
Me: Thanks. Have a nice day.

Total time for the interaction and holding up the express line: 4 minutes and 50 seconds

This experiment was kinda fun. The objective was to sit in and manage the tension/conflict from the cashier and customers behind me and be OK with it. All during this process, my gal pal is giggling here and there. I didn’t tell her ahead of time that I was going to do this, but she knew what I was up to as we were in the middle of it.

As she’s laughing, it starts making me smile and laugh on the inside. I’m standing there trying to count the change and not laugh at the same time because that would be releasing the tension, instead of staying cool and managing it by keeping a straight face and “staying in character.”

Because I had this chuckle on my face, I couldn’t make much eye contact with the cashier and had to keep looking down or else she probably would have gotten even more pissed at me. I would have loved to have been able to look at her more often though and be able to better sit with the tension/conflict.

I walk into the store and knew that I had to buy something that I don’t need because that will force me to return it. I know, let’s go get some tampons. As I’m walking in, there’s a line here too, so this is going to be weird if people are watching.

Anyways, I finally found the feminine care aisle and picked up a box of tampons. By the time I get to the cashier, thank goodness all those 7 people in line when I walked in are finally gone. I walked up to the register and an older woman named Norma in her 50s or 60s rings me up.

Norma: That’ll be $4.25.
Me: Here’s a $5.
Norma: I don’t have any quarters, so here’s a quarter and some dimes.
Me: OK. By the way, I don’t need that bag, thanks [because I'm going to come back and return it].

I grabbed my receipt, change, and tampons and take 3 steps to leave. On the third step, I pause, turn around, and then walk back to the counter.

Me: These are the wrong ones. I’m going to have to return this. (I made sure not to say sorry.)
Norma: [Didn't really seem all that agitated as I would have expected.] OK that’s fine, but you’re going to have to go see that man over there because I’m closing up and going home.
Me: [Hey. Need more tension. That wasn't too bad.] Can’t you ring me up?
Norma: No. I’m going home. That man can help you over there.
Me: [Stick with it, C-Dub. Stood as still as possible and remained as relaxed as possible to take it all in.] But can’t you just ring me up before you go home? [Continued standing there looking at her.]
Norma: OK fine. [Begins to process refund.]

At this point, I was feeling pretty good. That wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. And I don’t recall if that man in line was there the whole time because I was so focused with the cashier, but he was watching now. Let’s kick it up a notch.

Me: By the way, would you like to join my multi-level marketing company? We get paid when we get people to join and we sell toilet paper.
Norma: Sure. My sister does that kind of stuff.
Me: [Totally caught off guard at the yes.] Uhhh…wait a minute. What do you mean? You’re suppose to say no.
Norma: Give me your phone number.
Me: [Caught off guard some more.] Uhhh…I can’t do that. That’s weird. You’re weirder than I am. I gotta go now. Thanks and have a good night.
Norma:[Smiles and waves goodbye to me.]

Damn, I got that elderly woman on the refund, but then she beat me in the tension game at the end. Hahha. Next time, Norma. Next time…