Why in the world are you doing this?
My primary reason for doing this is to smash social anxiety by going into a heavily populated public area as a man wearing a dress. By doing this, my outcome was to be liberated from social anxiety and the fear of what negative things other people may think of me. By being free from the fear of criticism, I will be more empowered in many areas of my life. There have been too many times in the past where I didn’t do something or was afraid to do it (even though it was in my personal best interest) because of what naysayers would think. And continuing to live that way is no longer acceptable in my world.

Some other reasons:

• It’s summer and it’ll be July 4th on Saturday and I don’t think there will be any weekend for the remainder of the year that will have this much foot traffic.  It’ll be maximum exposure and the same opportunity won’t be coming around for a while.
• I’ll learn to walk into the midst of tension and manage it.
• This type of feat will help me prepare for the World Air Sex Championships in Vegas.
• Perhaps it will inspire someone else out there in the world to do something that goes outside their comfort zone.
• It’s an ego/confidence boost to be able to say that I had the balls to do something like this. It also becomes a powerful frame of reference for me.  One day in the future I’m going to encounter a challenge that I’ll have self-doubt about overcoming.  I’m then going to tell myself that if I can walk down Venice Boardwalk in a dress, then I can overcome this petty challenge.  Sometimes it might not work, but other times it will.

However, when I discussed this with my coaches at Inner Confidence, they actually DISCOURAGED me from doing it.  They said it would be good for someone who is much more shy and reserved.  But if I were to do it, it would only be a way to distract myself from something they think I’m even more afraid of: connecting with women.  I sincerely respect the advice they give me and I can agree with that on some level, but I still think the benefits and opportunity is worth pursuing and am doing it anyways.

The caveats.

But in order to get the maximum value out of this, it was extremely important that I did this with two caveats:

1. Playing it off would be one thing, but accepting it is another. It would be much easier if I walked down the Boardwalk in the dress and purposely acted like a buffoon as if it was a bet or that I’m just horsing around. The more challenging (and critical) method is to do it as if it was completely normal. It’s easy (or easier) to pretend that I’m just a goofball tranny/crossdresser, making jokes, acting like a clown, or laughing at the whole thing. Those are all methods of releasing the tension and justifying the ridiculous act of a man wearing a dress. Instead, my objective was to be as comfortable as possible with wearing a dress and doing my best to pretend that this was normal for me. By being calm and sitting in the tension of having people think that I’m a moron is much more effective than trying to “play it off” and giving people an excuse to justify why I have a dress on.
2. Ignoring people is one thing, but it’s another to connect with them. It would be easier to completely ignore and disconnect from people. This would be like walking down the Boardwalk and pretending no one was there. The more challenging thing to do would be to notice, acknowledge, be present, and connect with people. Make eye contact with people who stare. Feel the disgust and humility on their faces. See it, hear it, and feel it – but let it all channel through me and remain solid.

With that said, my friend JoRock and I walked down the Venice Boardwalk on Saturday July 4th as men wearing dresses.  Pure and Carte Blanche joined us in support and got some footage as well.

The experience.

A couple of things were as I expected. People did some double takes to look twice and made sure they saw what they saw. Even a couple of police officers were a little shocked. Drivers in cars stuck in traffic honked and screamed at us as we walked by. Some even took a picture.

Most people though were afraid to make eye contact. As soon as they noticed that we were dressed like women, their eyes would shoot away and try to ignore us.  I tried to make eye contact with most people, but they struggled to look in my eyes.

I could tell that many people had these guilty smiles on their face that they were trying to contain.  I took the whole dress thing very seriously and didn’t even crack a smile, so they definitely interpreted it as something normal and not a joke.  Having that frame of mind made most people afraid to laugh in front of my face, but many had no problem laughing and commenting behind my back after I walked by and looked back.  It unfortunately goes to show how a lot of people in life do these things: gossip behind your back because they don’t have the nerve to do it in your face.  It’s something I’ve been guilty of before myself, so it was a good reminder to be a better human being by not being one of those people that do that.

The two most uncomfortable moments from the whole experience:

1. Basketball court walk of shame. Walking through the crowd wasn’t too bad, so Carte Blanche challenged me to walk across the basketball court where all the spectators and masculine basketball players were sitting.  The idea made my skin crawl to purposely try to attract attention and have all those people look at me.  So of course, I had to do it.  That was pretty embarrassing because I knew all eyes were on me and I was trying to get attention.  It was pretty shameful as I could barely make any eye contact while doing that.
2. The rowdy teenage boys. Towards the end, I must have already been walking around for over an hour and was feeling quite comfortable doing it. But as I was leaving the Boardwalk, there was an SUV full of these teenage boys all staring at me.  We made eye contact, but it was uneasy for me because of the way they were looking.  I detected this sense of inferiority and mockery, as if they were looking at me like they were better than me. It felt like high school all over again. And after I had walked several feet past them, I heard this humongous roar of laughter.  That was probably the most hurtful part of the whole experience.

The conclusion.

But overall, it wasn’t that bad.  It was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be to have hundreds of people see me in a dress.  For the most part, I was able to remain solid and walk around in a dress as if it was a normal Saturday thing to do.  I’m happy I was able to keep my composure and handle the situation relatively well.  As I reflect on my experience, I feel pretty good that I had the nerve to do something like this as most men wouldn’t have the courage to do it.  However, I still felt strangely unfulfilled after it was all over.  It was anti-climatic.  I wasn’t excited or thrilled, but felt kinda empty; like is that it?  Have you ever felt that way about accomplishing something that you thought would have been more spectacular than it actually turned out to be?

But it gets better.

So after it was over, I was feeling a little bummed about the whole thing.  I didn’t have that sense of victory as I thought I would have.  Nonetheless, it was the Fourth of July after all, so I participated in the barbecue activities at the Inner Confidence residence.  Towards the evening, I was suppose to leave and hop to another BBQ, but I stayed and am glad I did because I met this Wicked woman.

I kinda noticed her earlier in the evening, but didn’t get a chance to chat with her until the later part of the evening – just as the fireworks coincidentally started. So what can I say about her and the experience? Well…it was definitely more fulfilling than walking down the Boardwalk in a dress.

It was refreshing to meet someone who actually shares the similar beliefs, values, and outlook on life.  Someone who understands how I feel about where I’ve been, where I’m at now, and where I’m going and vice versa.  Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who has insecurities and fears to overcome and it’s a long and lonely journey, but don’t really notice until someone else crosses onto your path. I’m always pleasantly surprised about how the Universe always comes through for me and supplies me with exactly what I need at this very moment now.

So the day didn’t turn out how I expected, but it did turn out better than I expected.

Cashier: Do you have a Ralphs’ card?
Me: No. I don’t have mine today. Can I use yours?
Cashier: Do you have a phone number?
Me: No. I don’t have card. Can I use yours?
Cashier: [Hesitates, but eventually uses hers.]

Cashier: That’ll be $8.97.
Me: OK. [I reach into my two pockets, one on each side of my cargo shorts, pull out two fistfuls of change and throw them onto the counter. A few coins fall down to the ground. By this time, there were 3 people in line behind me.] Let’s see…1, 2, 3, 4, 5,…[counting the pennies]…28, 29…
Cashier: [With this disgusted look on her face.] You know there’s a Coinstar over there.
Me: Yeah, but they charge a fee. Shoot…I lost count. 1, 2, 3, 4…
Customer in line behind me: Ahh jeez. [She was a Ralphs employee. Got irritated and grabbed her stuff and went to another line.]
Me: 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37…
Next customer in line behind me: Are you serious? [He wasn't all that excited about it either.]
Me: What? I have some extra change. 38, 39, 40…

But by this time, she canceled our transaction and began ringing up the customers behind me while I continued to count my change. Finally I finish.

Me: Here you go. $8.97. [Only had enough change for $3.97, so I added a $5 bill.] Do you need to count it?
Cashier: No. I trust you. [Finishes ringing me up.]
Me: Can I have my receipt?
Cashier: [Gives it to me with a not-so-happy look on her face.]
Me: Thanks. Have a nice day.

Total time for the interaction and holding up the express line: 4 minutes and 50 seconds

This experiment was kinda fun. The objective was to sit in and manage the tension/conflict from the cashier and customers behind me and be OK with it. All during this process, my gal pal is giggling here and there. I didn’t tell her ahead of time that I was going to do this, but she knew what I was up to as we were in the middle of it.

As she’s laughing, it starts making me smile and laugh on the inside. I’m standing there trying to count the change and not laugh at the same time because that would be releasing the tension, instead of staying cool and managing it by keeping a straight face and “staying in character.”

Because I had this chuckle on my face, I couldn’t make much eye contact with the cashier and had to keep looking down or else she probably would have gotten even more pissed at me. I would have loved to have been able to look at her more often though and be able to better sit with the tension/conflict.

Me: [Thinking to myself] Hey, the phone’s ringing and she walked away. No one’s answering it. I wonder what would happen if I picked up the phone and answered it. That would be weird and a little uncomfortable. Oh shit…it’s uncomfortable. I should do it!
Me: [Picking up the phone] Thank you for calling PetSmart. This is C-Dub. How can I help you?
Caller: Yes hello. Isn’t there a sale on Frontline products?
Me: Sale on Frontline products?
Cashier: [Comes back and hears me say that] Yes there is a sale.
Me: Ahh…Frontline. Yes, there is a sale. I’m going to pass you onto my co-worker Cashier. She’s an expert on Frontline. Hold on. [Hand phone to Cashier.]

In terms of the level of discomfort for me, I had to release a little of the tension by smiling and laughing on the inside. I didn’t make any loud noises, but the caller could probably tell that there was a touch of laughter in my voice. Next time when the opportunity presents itself again, I would do pick up the phone and focus on being more relaxed and comfortable with it.

But apparently, I was calm enough that when the cashier came back, she didn’t freak out that I picked up the phone. She seemed like a chill person to start with (I also built rapport with her when she was ringing me up), but it was cool that she picked up on my body language that I was cool with it, which made her cool with it.

Since visualization is such a powerful mental tool, I was practicing looking at the drivers next to me while imagining that I had Get Smart’s Cone of Silence. It took me a while, but I finally got this woman to look at me. When she did, I waved back and smiled at her. As soon as she saw me do that, she then quickly looked forward again and pretended like nothing happened. I’m not sure who’s more weird now: me or her.

Maybe one day I’ll have enough nerves to start honking my car horn to get their attention, while also sitting in the tension of the car in front of me potentially getting upset. We’ll see how that experiment goes…

Firemen are prime examples of men that can manage tension. What they do for a living is run into dangerous burning buildings and rescue women and children. As a man, I appreciate, admire, and respect what firemen can do. From a woman’s perspective, firemen are HOT!

Here’s an excellent example of how Leonardo DiCaprio manages the tension as Howard Hughes in the movie “The Aviator” when he’s hitting on the cigarette girl. He maintains his composure and seductive frame through the entire interaction, whereas his buddy with the mustache breaks up in laughter and releases the tension at 1:44 and 2:42. Check it out:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pdL34jAIjA

As an analogy, releasing the tension is like removing the lid off of a jar that is about to exploded. Whereas when you’re managing the tension, you’re like a lightning rod that gets hit by lightning, but safely sends the electricity into the ground. And as you can see in “The Aviator” example, mustache guy releases the tension by laughing it off. You’ll see Leonardo laugh too, but it’s a different kind of laughter. Other ways to release tension include nervous ticks, lack of eye contact, and making jokes.

To develop the ability to manage tension better, I would do these exercises that put myself into these sticky situations. The idea first started when Inner Confidence suggested I deliberately approach people with the intent to get rejected. They wanted me to do that because I was an external validation junkie at the time. Instead of feeling good about who I am myself internally, I had the need to find it externally by seeking approval, validation, and rapport from women. To change that, they recommended that I deliberately go get rejections from people. Eventually those rejection exercises morphed into these anxiety and tension exercises.

I walk into the store and knew that I had to buy something that I don’t need because that will force me to return it. I know, let’s go get some tampons. As I’m walking in, there’s a line here too, so this is going to be weird if people are watching.

Anyways, I finally found the feminine care aisle and picked up a box of tampons. By the time I get to the cashier, thank goodness all those 7 people in line when I walked in are finally gone. I walked up to the register and an older woman named Norma in her 50s or 60s rings me up.

Norma: That’ll be $4.25.
Me: Here’s a $5.
Norma: I don’t have any quarters, so here’s a quarter and some dimes.
Me: OK. By the way, I don’t need that bag, thanks [because I'm going to come back and return it].

I grabbed my receipt, change, and tampons and take 3 steps to leave. On the third step, I pause, turn around, and then walk back to the counter.

Me: These are the wrong ones. I’m going to have to return this. (I made sure not to say sorry.)
Norma: [Didn't really seem all that agitated as I would have expected.] OK that’s fine, but you’re going to have to go see that man over there because I’m closing up and going home.
Me: [Hey. Need more tension. That wasn't too bad.] Can’t you ring me up?
Norma: No. I’m going home. That man can help you over there.
Me: [Stick with it, C-Dub. Stood as still as possible and remained as relaxed as possible to take it all in.] But can’t you just ring me up before you go home? [Continued standing there looking at her.]
Norma: OK fine. [Begins to process refund.]

At this point, I was feeling pretty good. That wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. And I don’t recall if that man in line was there the whole time because I was so focused with the cashier, but he was watching now. Let’s kick it up a notch.

Me: By the way, would you like to join my multi-level marketing company? We get paid when we get people to join and we sell toilet paper.
Norma: Sure. My sister does that kind of stuff.
Me: [Totally caught off guard at the yes.] Uhhh…wait a minute. What do you mean? You’re suppose to say no.
Norma: Give me your phone number.
Me: [Caught off guard some more.] Uhhh…I can’t do that. That’s weird. You’re weirder than I am. I gotta go now. Thanks and have a good night.
Norma:[Smiles and waves goodbye to me.]

Damn, I got that elderly woman on the refund, but then she beat me in the tension game at the end. Hahha. Next time, Norma. Next time…