Walking Down the Boardwalk Wearing a Dress
Technically it was a denim skirt and white sleeveless top with ruffles, but you still wore that and walked down Venice Boardwalk on 4th of July looking like an idiot. What the hell were you thinking on this one?
Why in the world are you doing this?
My primary reason for doing this is to smash social anxiety by going into a heavily populated public area as a man wearing a dress. By doing this, my outcome was to be liberated from social anxiety and the fear of what negative things other people may think of me. By being free from the fear of criticism, I will be more empowered in many areas of my life. There have been too many times in the past where I didn’t do something or was afraid to do it (even though it was in my personal best interest) because of what naysayers would think. And continuing to live that way is no longer acceptable in my world.
Some other reasons:
- It’s summer and it’ll be July 4th on Saturday and I don’t think there will be any weekend for the remainder of the year that will have this much foot traffic. It’ll be maximum exposure and the same opportunity won’t be coming around for a while.
- I’ll learn to walk into the midst of tension and manage it.
- This type of feat will help me prepare for the World Air Sex Championships in Vegas.
- Perhaps it will inspire someone else out there in the world to do something that goes outside their comfort zone.
- It’s an ego/confidence boost to be able to say that I had the balls to do something like this. It also becomes a powerful frame of reference for me. One day in the future I’m going to encounter a challenge that I’ll have self-doubt about overcoming. I’m then going to tell myself that if I can walk down Venice Boardwalk in a dress, then I can overcome this petty challenge. Sometimes it might not work, but other times it will.
However, when I discussed this with my coaches at Inner Confidence, they actually DISCOURAGED me from doing it. They said it would be good for someone who is much more shy and reserved. But if I were to do it, it would only be a way to distract myself from something they think I’m even more afraid of: connecting with women. I sincerely respect the advice they give me and I can agree with that on some level, but I still think the benefits and opportunity is worth pursuing and am doing it anyways.
The caveats.
But in order to get the maximum value out of this, it was extremely important that I did this with two caveats:
- Playing it off would be one thing, but accepting it is another. It would be much easier if I walked down the Boardwalk in the dress and purposely acted like a buffoon as if it was a bet or that I’m just horsing around. The more challenging (and critical) method is to do it as if it was completely normal. It’s easy (or easier) to pretend that I’m just a goofball tranny/crossdresser, making jokes, acting like a clown, or laughing at the whole thing. Those are all methods of releasing the tension and justifying the ridiculous act of a man wearing a dress. Instead, my objective was to be as comfortable as possible with wearing a dress and doing my best to pretend that this was normal for me. By being calm and sitting in the tension of having people think that I’m a moron is much more effective than trying to “play it off” and giving people an excuse to justify why I have a dress on.
- Ignoring people is one thing, but it’s another to connect with them. It would be easier to completely ignore and disconnect from people. This would be like walking down the Boardwalk and pretending no one was there. The more challenging thing to do would be to notice, acknowledge, be present, and connect with people. Make eye contact with people who stare. Feel the disgust and humility on their faces. See it, hear it, and feel it – but let it all channel through me and remain solid.
With that said, my friend JoRock and I walked down the Venice Boardwalk on Saturday July 4th as men wearing dresses. Pure and Carte Blanche joined us in support and got some footage as well.
The experience.
A couple of things were as I expected. People did some double takes to look twice and made sure they saw what they saw. Even a couple of police officers were a little shocked. Drivers in cars stuck in traffic honked and screamed at us as we walked by. Some even took a picture.
Most people though were afraid to make eye contact. As soon as they noticed that we were dressed like women, their eyes would shoot away and try to ignore us. I tried to make eye contact with most people, but they struggled to look in my eyes.
I could tell that many people had these guilty smiles on their face that they were trying to contain. I took the whole dress thing very seriously and didn’t even crack a smile, so they definitely interpreted it as something normal and not a joke. Having that frame of mind made most people afraid to laugh in front of my face, but many had no problem laughing and commenting behind my back after I walked by and looked back. It unfortunately goes to show how a lot of people in life do these things: gossip behind your back because they don’t have the nerve to do it in your face. It’s something I’ve been guilty of before myself, so it was a good reminder to be a better human being by not being one of those people that do that.
The two most uncomfortable moments from the whole experience:
- Basketball court walk of shame. Walking through the crowd wasn’t too bad, so Carte Blanche challenged me to walk across the basketball court where all the spectators and masculine basketball players were sitting. The idea made my skin crawl to purposely try to attract attention and have all those people look at me. So of course, I had to do it. That was pretty embarrassing because I knew all eyes were on me and I was trying to get attention. It was pretty shameful as I could barely make any eye contact while doing that.
- The rowdy teenage boys. Towards the end, I must have already been walking around for over an hour and was feeling quite comfortable doing it. But as I was leaving the Boardwalk, there was an SUV full of these teenage boys all staring at me. We made eye contact, but it was uneasy for me because of the way they were looking. I detected this sense of inferiority and mockery, as if they were looking at me like they were better than me. It felt like high school all over again. And after I had walked several feet past them, I heard this humongous roar of laughter. That was probably the most hurtful part of the whole experience.
The conclusion.
But overall, it wasn’t that bad. It was surprisingly easier than I thought it would be to have hundreds of people see me in a dress. For the most part, I was able to remain solid and walk around in a dress as if it was a normal Saturday thing to do. I’m happy I was able to keep my composure and handle the situation relatively well. As I reflect on my experience, I feel pretty good that I had the nerve to do something like this as most men wouldn’t have the courage to do it. However, I still felt strangely unfulfilled after it was all over. It was anti-climatic. I wasn’t excited or thrilled, but felt kinda empty; like is that it? Have you ever felt that way about accomplishing something that you thought would have been more spectacular than it actually turned out to be?
But it gets better.
So after it was over, I was feeling a little bummed about the whole thing. I didn’t have that sense of victory as I thought I would have. Nonetheless, it was the Fourth of July after all, so I participated in the barbecue activities at the Inner Confidence residence. Towards the evening, I was suppose to leave and hop to another BBQ, but I stayed and am glad I did because I met this Wicked woman.
I kinda noticed her earlier in the evening, but didn’t get a chance to chat with her until the later part of the evening – just as the fireworks coincidentally started. So what can I say about her and the experience? Well…it was definitely more fulfilling than walking down the Boardwalk in a dress.
It was refreshing to meet someone who actually shares the similar beliefs, values, and outlook on life. Someone who understands how I feel about where I’ve been, where I’m at now, and where I’m going and vice versa. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who has insecurities and fears to overcome and it’s a long and lonely journey, but don’t really notice until someone else crosses onto your path. I’m always pleasantly surprised about how the Universe always comes through for me and supplies me with exactly what I need at this very moment now.
So the day didn’t turn out how I expected, but it did turn out better than I expected.
There are a lot of people who deal with this on a daily basis, i.e., actual trannies. Re the teenage boys, of course they would be the most intensely critical of you, obviously because they are the least secure in their own manhood and sexuality. So making fun of you, or laughing at you, is almost a prerequisite to proving their virility/heterosexuality to one another. Pathetic, but a stage in life most men go through.
I think I will try to recommend this post to my friends and family, cuz it’s really helpful.
You’re a fucking inspiration C…..Glad I had the chance to share that moment with you.
-JoRocK
Everybody needs to do things every day to stretch their comfort zones. People are far too conventional and predictable, usually. Good for you!
I think you are so brave and wow, what an inspiration to people. I am sharing this with my facebook peeps. Thanks for being the brave one, I wish more people were tolerate of people that are different or not the norm. I judge people on how they treat me, not how they look.
What a wonderful story! I also think it was vary brave thing to do, and way farther out of that comfort zone than I would be able to step. You have really made me think. Thanks! Oh, and by the way, you look quite nice in that outfit. I would have had to look twice to make sure you were a man just because you carry it so well.
Well, I personally wouldn’t date a man who did this. It’s too “out there” for me in everyday life. But conceptually, I respect the choice and the bravery it took.
I would totally agree with most of the others. Suffering from social anxiety myself, this was somewhat of an inspiration. I don’t think I will be going to the extreme you did, but start rather slowly, possibly with a “notice me” type outfit…and don’t forget when you have friends there, it is always easier…try it by yourself!!!
i think that thats great. i wish i could be that confident to come out of my comfort zone. everyone should think like that. i wouldnt go to that extreme though but its still cool though.
Really get over the dress thing. It’s really not you.
I can’t process what you gained from the experience. It seems to me that when we move out of our comfort zone, it should be an action that is more directly relevant to life. By experiencing all of the feelings and emotions you had on the 4th, do you expect to be able to recall them and use them to deal in other, uncontrived, life situations? Your actions are interesting and your post is good reading, but this is theater not life.
I think a lot of us have trouble stepping out of our comfort zones even when it would be good for us. This took some courage. I hope it enables you to accomplish your goals.
What I most remember from the article, since I am a big fan of the group nirvana, was when the man in the dress felt like “he was in high school again” (nirvana has a song called “school”) This article also reminds me of psychology 101 class where we were requested to do something “out of the ordinary” to challenge expectations and beliefs. All in all, I think this man was very brave, because in some places, some people would not only laugh, but abuse and physically assault the man in a dress, because they feel so violated that someone is breaking “moral or ethical codes of conduct” of society. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Well… Venice beach is full of weirdos so I don’t think you really stood out. I think people’s reaction would be different if you went to a place that’s more conservative.
I am glad that he documented what he had gone through. It just goes to show everybody how single minded we are. People have to hide in their home to show their true selves, they can’t go in public with their beliefs. We need to start accepting people for who they are in this world.
DUDE, I had this idea a loooong time ago. guys fear wearing a dress since they feel its a threat to their masculinity. u now have baller status.